And what happened then? That's right, Stop it lost his temper!

Pregnancy hormones have made me feel incredibly ANGRY lately. This is pregnancy number six and it has never happened before - tired, tetchy, irritable, sure. But not this. So it took me a bit by surprise - I thought I was turning into a serial killer there for a minute.

Then I put two and two together - and made me plus one! - and then of course, I mentioned it to a friend and it had happened to her too.

It's settled down now but it was odd for a while... Not only was I getting huge over reactions instead of mild irritation or impatient exasperation, but it also raked up massive amounts of anger towards someone close to me that baffled me until I realised that it was connected to a past event, an event that I've only really quite processed as far as the hurt and angst are concerned.

It set me thinking a lot about anger... I had a terrible temper as a child - with hind sight, probably the usual tantrums - but I have clear memories of raging and it terrifying me. Thinking further, it's the feeling of loss of control - loss of conscious self that scared me so - and it's also that feeling that I hated about being drunk. I pretty much stopped drinking to any significant amount when I was 19/20 and I'm now completely tea total (bizarre phrase, as I don't drink tea either) and have been for years.

I don't remember any kind of terrible childhood punishments, treatment or comments that would have made me start to suppress anger, I think that was pretty much directly a response to my fear.. but for years, I now see, I've been working - not so much to have tactics to manage with feeling angry, but not to feel it in the first place.

Which I now see is daft - not only because I know that intellectually - it doesn't work and isn't healthy, but because... You know, sometimes I am JUSTIFIED in feeling angry. I am RIGHT to feel angry - the behaviour I am angry about IS out of order and it is right to think I am worth more than that and can demand better (though not, admittedly by screaming and stamping).

All of which has given me more food for thought, as Fluff is currently in a toddler tantrum stage and Wig is currently in a 5yr old tantrum stage! It's also made me think somewhat about violent people in our society, people who have anger management problems - if that's how they feel all the time, then I feel quite sympathetic!